At the beginning of this pandemic, I said to myself that I would not post anything about it as everyone else would be. This past week I have continued to be reminded how much I have been blessed, and how Gods love and blessing has continued to show during this time.Before the pandemic started, I got engaged to a beautiful lady, who is the kindest and most loving person I have ever met. When we got engaged and before the pandemic started, God spoke to us both about getting married on a particular date in August. Then in August during lockdown, we got married; My fiancée and I were together in the house, our pastor and a few other people were viewing over zoom. It was a beautiful day. We set up the lounge room with fairy lights, flowers, and greenery. It was romantic and very personal. My whole attention was on my bride and God, maybe the glitches of technology as well. If I had a choice of going back and changing anything; I would not!
When the pandemic began, I had to stop work due to works financial state. I was off work for 6 weeks, no income support what is so ever. I started to get anxious, anxious about the wedding, work, and finances. When the Victorian Premier stated that our state is going into lockdown; fear started to creep in, anxiety grew stronger, emotions and thoughts of the past started to take hold of me.Being in lockdown for so long has brought up remarkably similar memories to when I was in prison for a period of time. When the prison went into lockdown it meant we were literally locked in our units. Currently, even though I have my freedom of going outside, I still have the thought of having no freedom; the feeling of being out of control; something has been taken away from me.
Why is it that people, including myself, start to feel anxious when we feel like situations are out of our control? I believe it is because people want to always have their hands on the steering wheel. They want to make the choices for themselves, steer the car in the direction they want to go, rather than being told what to do. I believe this brings them to a feeling of helplessness when control is taken away. When I was in prison, I felt helpless, out of control, being dictated too. These are the feelings that I have experienced during our current lockdown.I honestly thought God had dealt with my past regarding being in prison; I may have been a little naïve. The current pandemic has caused me to lean on God, as I have done that, God has brought healing and restoration to my heart.
Yesterday when I was walking with my wife. We saw a lady in her car full of her possessions. It looked like she was living in her car. My heart sank. I felt to pray for her within my heart, so I did. As I was praying; I felt a lot of empathy for her, I know from personal experience what living in the car is like. As we continued to walk, I started to thank God for what He has done in my life, and my wife and I began discussing the ways in which we had been blessed through this pandemic.I cannot imagine what it is like losing a loved one through this time, or not being able to visit a loved one who has cancer in hospital. I have no words. What I do know, God is with you; to strengthen you, heal your heart of grief, and pour His love upon you. For God to able to do this, you need to reach out to Him. For some people this may be difficult, I know when you do, the love that you will experience is overwhelming.
God is waiting for you.